


Don't Turn Away

by NyakoChan



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Canon Related, Gen, Goodbyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 09:27:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4095733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NyakoChan/pseuds/NyakoChan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anxiety is consuming Yosuke's thoughts as March draws to a close, and Souji prepares to leave Inaba. He doesn't want to watch his partner leave them behind</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Turn Away

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write about anxiety about leaving/someone leaving. I wanted to make Yosuke sad. 
> 
> I also wanted to make it established Souyo but I didn't actually get to. It could be pre-Souyo if you tilt your head

In the back of his mind, Yosuke always knew Souji would have to leave Inaba at the end of the year. He’d known it from the start. But the fact remained at the back of his mind for much of the year. 

Between solving the case, work, and school, Yosuke didn’t have time to remember he’d be losing his partner in several months. With everything they’d been through, he couldn’t imagine Inaba without him.

When March rolled around once more, Yosuke received the grim reminder like a shot to the heart. 

The murder had been solved, and Souji had just about three weeks left. While he was trying to divide his time evenly between all the friends he had made, Yosuke felt he had gotten the least amount of time dedicated to just the two of them.

Part of it had been his fault. He had made no effort to ask his dad to cut down some of his shifts at Junes, and he found himself using work as an excuse not to spend time with Souji. He would wrap himself up in as many tasks as he could manage, working harder than he ever had during his time at Junes; anything to avoid thinking about what he and Souji could be doing instead.

_I’m wasting time I don’t have, dammit!_

Instead of being offended, his partner had asked if he was available after his shift, and Yosuke had told him not to bother, to spend time with others instead of waiting on him. Sometimes he hoped Souji wouldn’t listen, and he might find him waiting down by the elevators for Yosuke to get off the clock. He would hold his breath as he rode the elevator down, trying not to get his hopes high as he searched for a flash of grey. 

Each time the doors pinged open, he never once saw the grey bowl cut or the gentle smile waiting to greet him. Each time he would chastise himself for even thinking it would happen. But as he waved away the vague sense of disappointment he refused to acknowledge, the back of his mind would whisper, maybe next time. 

When Yosuke settled in for bed at the end of each night, he tried not to think about how the days were flying by, and how quickly he was running out of opportunities to hang out with Souji.

On the days they did spend together, Yosuke was so tense he only had about half the fun he would normally. He spent most of their get-together worrying how time was ticking, and wondering if he would rather be at work than suffering through the anxiety of being left behind. 

_If I was at work, at least I could think about something else._   


During Souji’s second to last week, Yosuke found himself losing sleep as he spent the nights listening to his heart pounding in his chest, and feeling his mind drowning in a toxic fear of losing his best friend to distance.

_Hell, it’s just across Japan. He’s not leaving the country._

He tried to reassure himself that in these days, distance wasn’t an issue with the help of technology. Social media and texting made communication over distance a thing of the past, and Yosuke was certain they would still text every day. But texting over phones wasn’t the same as seeing each other face to face, as they had nearly every day this last year. 

Souji had assured the Investigation Team and Nanako that he would visit every break he got. They’d get to see him during Golden Week and Summer Vacation, for sure.

In a way, he almost wondered if it was better this way, that he was avoiding Souji and preparing for their separation. Maybe it was better to train himself to cope with the absence of the person that had changed his life. But now, he felt lonelier than ever, knowing he could be spending time with Souji but wasn’t. 

_What would we be doing right about now?_

He spent the whole night blasting his music through his headphones to calm his nerves and stop him from grinding his teeth, or biting his nails to the quick. Music was the only thing saving him from drowning in fear as his thoughts consumed him. 

The last week was the worst. Although the date of his departure drew nearer, Souji never appeared even the slightest bit anxious. Was he excited to go home and see his parents? Did he miss the city and his old friends terribly?

Yosuke wished the week would just end already. If they could get this over with, he would stop feeling so anxious, he told himself. It was better if he could return to his normal life of going to school, going to work, and going to bed without worry. 

It would all be so normal. So painfully normal. 

Like before he showed up.

Souji was going around saying his last goodbyes to some of his club friends or coworkers. He was saving the last few days exclusively for the Team. As a group they had spent some time together walking around town, sitting around the table at their old headquarters, and making final memories of a year well spent. 

Sunday, two days before Souji’s departure, Yosuke was descending the elevator at the end of his shift. Chie, Yukiko, and Kanji had all texted him during his shift asking where he was. Apparently Souji was looking for him.

He was feeling particularly sensitive today as the 21st of March rounded the corner. His dad had given him the next two days off to spend with his friends. 

As the elevator doors pinged open, Yosuke felt his heart lift, and then skip a beat as he was greeted with a gentle smile and grey eyes. 

“P-partner!” Yosuke squeaked out in surprise. Everything he had imagined and dreaded came rushing to him at once. He felt an uncomfortable mixture of anxiety and excitement dancing in his stomach. 

“Yosuke,” Souji greeted, “Are you free now? Would you mind spending some time with me?”

How could Yosuke refuse? Souji had come to him alone and asked to hang out. He might not ask again.

“For sure, bro. Did you want to go anywhere special?”

Souji thought about it for a moment. 

“How about you take me somewhere you’d like? I’ve been all over town and back this last week. I just got back from the hospital to say goodbye to a friend, but she wasn’t there.”

Yosuke murmured his condolences before deciding that he’d rather be anywhere besides Junes.

“I’m sure you’ve walked passed it a dozen times already, but how about the riverbed?” Yosuke suggested, waiting for Souji to turn it down and request something else.

But Souji had never turned down Yosuke’s suggestions when they hung out. Whether Yosuke wanted to get a motorcycle license and drive to Okina to pick up chicks, or if he wanted to jump into the tv and burn some energy after a bad day, Souji always agreed. 

“Sounds good. Let’s grab something to eat first. Have you had lunch yet?”

“Yeah. I had a break an hour ago, but let’s go get something. My treat,” Yosuke offered, stepping passed Souji to exit. 

“Actually, I’d like to get it for you,” Souji countered, stopping Yosuke in his tracks. “Everyone’s been throwing their money at me all week to treat me, but I just want to treat my best friend one more time.” 

Yosuke couldn’t stop the embarrassed grin that pulled at the corners of his lips. His heart fluttered at the sentiment. 

“A-are you sure, Partner? You really don’t have to.”

Grey eyes crinkled at the corners as Souji smiled. “Really. You treated me when I first got here, anyway. Think of this as like, coming full circle.”

They shared a quiet laugh as Yosuke was thrown all the way back to last March, when Souji was the new kid in town and everyone was buzzing about him being hot shit. 

“Anything you want. _My_ treat,” Souji said firmly, leading the two of them to the central shopping district. 

They stopped for the local special at Souzai Daigaku, Souji buying them three steak skewers each and eating them along the way to the riverbed. Yosuke was just finishing his last one as they picked a spot on the slope.

At first, the two sat in silence, listening to the water rush by, and the fish occasionally leap from the water’s surface. The weather was warmer this time last year. Yosuke had left his jacket at Junes.

“I caught the Sea Guardian here,” Souji commented, breaking the silence between them.

Yosuke looked at him skeptically. He was pretty sure Souji could do anything if he tried, but this sounded strange.

“No way, bro. That’s just a weird rumor that went around school.”

Souji snorted and looked towards the dock, where he had undoubtedly spent countless hours waiting for a bite. 

“No, ‘s true. It was almost twice my height!” he insisted, gesturing with his arms the length of the fish. “If it weren’t for training in the tv and always carrying that massive sword, I don’t think I could have ever lifted it out of the water!”

Yosuke threw his head back and laughed; imagining his partner pulling up some great fish, sweat running down his face as he struggled to catch his breath, but pride lighting up his face. Souji made him forget his anxiety for just a moment before it came rushing back and swelled around his heart.

“They’ll never believe that in the city,” Yosuke grunted, lying back against the cool grass. He winced when his head shifted onto a small rock. He snatched it up and threw it into the water.

Souji hummed in agreement. “They won’t believe anything that happened over here.”

Yosuke hummed back. “Got that right.” He wouldn’t have believed it if he hadn’t been part of it.

The silence threatened to encompass them again, and Yosuke wondered if this was how they were going to leave things. Despite his mind being abuzz with a dozen things he wanted to say, Yosuke couldn’t pick a single thing he felt prepared to share. 

“Hey, Yosuke,” Souji began, catching Yosuke’s attention. Souji’s face held a thoughtful expression. “You’ve been avoiding me this last month. Did I do something wrong?”

Yosuke felt his blood freeze in his veins as his heart caught with guilt. Of course Souji had noticed. But why hadn’t he said anything until now?

“O-oh, I was just really busy is all,” he tried, eyes darting to the side to look at anything but the piercing grey eyes. “And besides, you had plenty of other people to say goodbye to.”

“Sure, but I would have thought you’d at least want to see me more. I want to see all of my friends, which includes you.”

Clenching and unclenching his fists, nails digging crescent indents into his palms, Yosuke dared to look at his best friend’s face. Souji wore a careful expression, eyes immediately locking onto his. 

The intensity of his partner’s gaze locked the words in his throat. Or maybe it was the painful lump lodged behind his larynx that held his words back. Souji didn’t speak, probably waiting for Yosuke to explain himself. 

Yosuke was prepared to sit there and let the tension settle, but in the back of his mind, Susano-o was whispering the words to him.

“I-it’s hard to watch you pack up and leave like this,” Yosuke began quietly, struggling not to drop his gaze in shame. “You’re leaving, and I’m stuck here without you, and I feel like… like I’m being left behind while you go off to bigger and better things without m- the rest of the team.” Yosuke took a deep breath, the words beginning to flow easier now. He thanked Susano-o as he tried to steady his heart rate. 

Souji pondered this for a moment, making no comment on the correction Yosuke had made at the end of his confession. “I understand that,” he said, his head cocking to the side slightly. “I was like that the first few times I moved around with my parents. But I also learned from it, too.”

The grey haired male paused, the corner of his mouth twitching as he pieced together his words.

“I learned that it’s better to make the most of the time you have left; appreciate the last few chances you might have to make memories, rather than give it up hiding yourself away and thinking it will hurt less.”

His words hit home for Yosuke when he realized he hadn’t even thought to weigh the pros and cons of avoiding Souji. He felt the corners of his lips twitch downwards as regret made him realize his childishness. 

“Even if we have two months, or two weeks, or two days, I’d never give any of it up. I want to make the most of it because I want to be able to look back and know I used my time wisely. Even if it hurts, don’t look away.”

And as always, his partner knew everything. He knew best, and everything he had said, Yosuke should have known. Yosuke had to drop his gaze quickly as his eyes filled with tears. He didn’t want to be a girl about it. He wasn’t the only one hurting because he had chosen to avoid his friend like the plague. 

Susano-o was quiet this time, forcing Yosuke to speak up for himself. His hands found the hem of his shirt and he gripped it, twisting it nervously. 

“I’m so stupid. It wasn’t like this when I left my city friends. I didn’t expect them to care that I was leaving, and I didn’t expect them to keep texting when I left, so I told myself, maybe it would be the same thing here. Out of sight, out of mind, right?” He tried to laugh it off nervously. This whole week he had wished Souji would just hurry up and leave already, and then he'd be able to stop anticipating the feeling of being left behind. 

Souji made a small sound of amusement – Yosuke would laugh at himself, too – and leaned back against the grassy slope.

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget you guys,” he insisted. “I mean, there’s no way I could forget everything that happened here, and everything we went through together. And we won’t be so far that we can’t visit each other now and again.”

“You make it sound so easy. You’ve done this before.” Yosuke held a self-mocking smirk on his face. Souji was always so strong in everything.

“A while back, you said you hated Inaba when you first arrived. But then you said that it wasn’t important where you were, as long as the people around you were there, too,” his partner quoted. “’The important things are never far off. They’re all around you.’”

Yosuke felt his face flush. He had kind of hoped Souji wouldn’t remember that. Or at least not bring it up again. 

“W-well yeah, I did say that,” he grumbled, “but now that you’re leaving, Inaba is losing something important. I… I’m losing someone important.” 

As soon as it left his mouth, he contemplated taking it back, or rephrasing the way he had said it. He didn’t want to be such a sap, but now that it was out, he realized that had been one of his biggest worries over the past few weeks.

“Yosuke,” Souji said softly. Yosuke looked up again, caught between embarrassment and desperation to be understood. “Thank you. That means a lot.” 

He bit his lip, the words building up in his throat. He wanted to be selfish, or childish. He wanted to beg and maybe cry a little. He didn’t want to feel hopeless. 

“Don’t go,” he choked out, brow furrowing as he fought to keep his voice from cracking. 

“I wish it were that easy,” Souji finally sighed out. “But you know, at least everyone is here with you. You aren’t alone anymore, you know. Don’t forget that.”

Yosuke felt a small smile spread on his face. “Yeah. You’re right. I just wish you’d be here to lead the group longer.”

“I know.” 

He was beginning to feel lighter now that he had gotten that off his chest. Souji was always good for that. He might have to start trusting Teddie or Kanji for that after Souji left. 

“You know,” he began with a small laugh, “It almost would have been easier for you to just punch the truth out of me. Like when we duked it out last time when I wanted to make us equals.” 

Souji returned the small laugh, sitting up and looking at Yosuke’s prone form. 

“Maybe so, but you’ve really grown up since then – since we first met. I’m really proud of you for standing up to face me like this. But uh, I won’t have to drag you to the train station on Tuesday will I?”

The familiar clench in his heart made Yosuke hesitate. But he could never do that to Souji. Especially as his words rang through his mind. Yosuke sat up, steeling his courage once more. 

“I’ll be there first, you can count on it,” he assured, giving his friend a shaky smile. He was sure he’d be awake all the night before. 

“All right. I’ll be counting on you this last time, Partner,” Souji told him. “Are you free tomorrow too? Or do you have work?”

“Nah. No more running away. My dad gave me the next few days off.”

Souji clapped him on the back. “Thanks. I’m looking forward to it. Uh, as much as I can look forward to leaving.”

“Do you miss your family? And the city?”

“I can’t not miss my parents, but we’re always moving around for their work. It’s frustrating. It makes situations like these. As for the city, I think it’s exactly as you said. It’s the people you have that make the place special. I can’t say I ever made friends like you guys.”

And somehow, the fact that Souji had taken at least one thing from him to heart gave him the reassurance that Souji would really not forget him.

The two spent the rest of the afternoon sat at the riverbed. Souji had walked to the dock to play with the fish. He expressed his longing that he had brought his fishing rod and caught food for the cats around his house. Yosuke had suggested he bring a cat or two home with him, but Souji sighed and said his mother was allergic to all forms of pets.

When the sun set Souji invited Yosuke over to eat dinner with him, and Yosuke was completely unable to disagree. Who knew when he would last get to taste his best friend’s cooking again.

That night, when Yosuke returned home, he managed to fall asleep early for the first time that month. His mind didn’t race with all of the things unsaid, and his heart didn’t pound with anxiety.

On Monday Souji spent his time wrapping up goodbyes to anyone else he missed. Despite not having a shift, Yosuke was watching Teddie work at Junes. He was pleasantly surprised when Souji stopped by to see them.

Yosuke had Souji on his mind for most of the day, but it was no longer fear and uncertainty that tormented him. He listened to Teddie gush on about how much he would miss his Sensei, and how he was already planning several trips out to see him in the city. 

Hearing about Souji’s departure didn’t hurt so much anymore. It was something he had to accept, much like his own shadow. 

Monday was over, and Yosuke had slept restlessly that night. He was up before the sun was that Tuesday. He had showered and dressed for the day long before Teddie had begun to rouse. 

Anxiety made Yosuke want to rush things. He woke Teddie up earlier than they had planned, then bribed him out of the house early with the promise of buying breakfast. 

They made it to the train station a couple hours before the designated time, but Yosuke had promised he’d be the first one there. Teddie complained about being bored, that they had arrived too early. Yosuke half-heartedly attempted to entertain him in the mean time. They spoke of the great things Souji had brought to Inaba, and the adventures they had had together over the course of a year. Yosuke found himself genuinely grinning by the time others started to arrive. Talking had settled his nerves.

Naoto was the first to arrive, with Chie and Yukiko arriving shortly after. They were surprised that Yosuke was not late for once. 

Kanji and Rise arrived later. Kanji carried a plastic shopping bag with him, and when asked what he had brought, he had mumbled that they were gifts for Souji. Something to decorate his home with so he would always remember them. 

Rise’s eyes were puffy, perhaps from crying in the night. She seemed quieter than usual albeit the occasional sniffle, whereas Yosuke had thought she would be the loudest.

Souji arrived right on time. Souji’s face lit up as he stepped out of Dojima’s car to see his friends gathered around. Nanako and Dojima stood to the side as the Investigation Team surrounded him, wishing him well. 

Rise broke first. Yosuke had been right after all, that she would be the loudest. Kanji nearly followed suit, which would have been funny any other day. But honestly, if Kanji or Rise wasn’t doing it, Yosuke probably would. When Nanako clung to her cousin’s side, he couldn’t help but begin to feel nervous again.

It was really happening. 

He found himself tuning out everyone else’s goodbyes. He missed Kanji handing over his knitted gifts to Souji. But then he realized he was doing it again. He was hiding away so he could protect himself, and he was missing his chance.

Yosuke felt braver than he had all month. He put on a big smile and felt his usual confidence bubble up instead of nerves. 

“I don’t feel like saying goodbye either,” he spoke up, smiling. “Hey, you got any plans during the long holiday in May? If you’re free, come over and visit.” Souji gave him a grin of approval. 

As Souji stepped off to the side to see his other group of friends off, the group gave him some distance. They couldn’t hog him, as much as they wanted to. 

When the train whistle sounded, they jumped.

It was time. 

Yosuke felt his hands and feet go numb. This was it. 

They showed him off to the train, and Yosuke felt his heart sink a little as the doors closed. 

As the train began to move, Yosuke saw his friends jog to keep up with it. For a moment, Yosuke hesitated. He didn’t want to see this. He didn’t want to see the train put distance between them. It might break his heart to see Souji smiling calmly, waving goodbye.

Yosuke found himself following the group behind everyone, even though he had always been the fastest in battle. 

Don’t turn away! Don’t lose the chance to remember this.

He met Souji’s eyes through the glass as the train picked up speed.

“Distance doesn’t matter to us! Even if we’re separated we’re still friends!” he shouted, grinning widely.

_Don’t look away, don’t look away!_

He screamed his heart out with the others, putting his emotions behind his farewell. Souji couldn’t hear it as the train continued on but the platform stopped. He shouted along with his friends until the train was out of sight. 

No matter how long he had to wait for his partner to come back, he had the rest of his friends to wait with him.

Maybe they would get to watch the train pull into the station again sooner than they thought.


End file.
